The Sinking of the "bismark"

Dear Fellow Readers and Writers of the Board,

I have just received news that bismark has left the Board community. I do not speak for the Board, but may I remind all of the Readers out there that each one of you is precious. Without the readership of the Board, it would cease to exist! The Board needs us to ask both silly and interesting questions, so the Writers can give us both silly and interesting answers. Think of it this way--"The [Board] is what gives a [boardie] his power. It is a [intellectual/humorous forum] created by all [Registered Readers and Writers]. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the [internets] together."-- While bismark thinks that he is moving on to bigger and better things, he will be back. He denies it but he will. This reminds me of a movie I was watching in my ASL class. It went something like this:

Doctor: So do you smoke?
Patient: .....ummmm....
Patient: I am actually in the process of quitting.

The whole class busted up laughing! The funny thing was that we all knew what she meant. I think it is the same thing with bismark, and pretty much standard throughout the general readership of the Board. "[It] HAS to be...She HAD to BEEEE!" Perhaps I am "Alone in my principles," but I highly doubt it. "Once a [boardie], always a [boardie]."

- Wally_III [5]

The number of Q's

I was reading the Board this morning and discovered that I was intensely curious as to how many questions were in the queue. I set out to ask a question about putting a question counter in the registered user section, where it just shows the number of the total questions that have yet to be answered. I logged in and almost made it to the ask a question page before I thought of doing a little more research. I thought it was such an obvious thing that somebody sometime must have asked for a similar thing. I was unable to find anyone asking about it, but upon many of the responses pulled up from my search I figured that would be a lot of work by the webmasters to include a neato little gadget to satisfy a rehabilitated Board readers curiosity. I think the procedure was good though. With a screening process like that, not only can I learn more about the archives and other useful bits of information, but also screen out my not so interesting questions. Not that I want to diss on NKOTB...That is what legends are founded on, someone just can't do it the same way.

On a side note, I played a game on my vacation to the Great Plains, and I thought to myself..."There is a Board party game if I have ever seen one!" The name is Charoodles.

On yet another side note, I feel like a great burden has been lifted off of me by returning to read the Board. HAZZAH!!!!! BANZI!!!

I Had A Dream...

But this isn't like most of the dreams I have, and it just so happens that it was about the Board. Before I talk about the dream I have a confession...I haven't been reading the Board. Like many other hopelessly addicted people I wondered to myself "Could I actually survive without the Board?" The simple answer...yes. The complicated answer..............................................................Let me answer this one with a story. Around February my life became wonderfully complicated with a new addition to my family (see previous post), and with school, no sleep, work, the Go club, moving, and all those things that makes life meaningful I figured this would be a good time to test my theory; OH! How wrong I was. Here is the irony, in the effort to catch up in my classes I stopped reading the Board-EEEK! Yes, I know, all you boardies should know how bad of a decision that was. --It is like one of those movies where as a member of the audience knows how poor of a decision the character is making "Why in the world is he going down into the basement?!?!?" "Why didn't they leave when they had the chance?!" In one agonizing moment you see the character commit delayed suicide in which the only way out of the situation they put themselves is a slight of hand by the author via a 'Deus ex machina.' If you have ever seen the Last Action Hero with Arnold Schwarzenegger, (or personal experience) you know that the chances of a person getting saved from a stupid choice by a Deus ex machina are slim to none.--Instead of the decision helping me my academic life imploded. I bombed most of my classes, then I signed up for a class I had already taken and received a "B+" in, only to find out after the drop date that I had already taken it and the grade I get will replace my other grade no matter what. The Go club lost its thunder over the summer, I stopped updating my blog.....ok, ok--the dream--the dream.

I am at a Board party. (I have never been to one before, but I can imagine that they are just like this.) There are a lot of us sitting around talking about nothing in particular, then someone suggests a game. Everyone agrees, as I go get a pot and start boiling water--Now before you start talking alphabet soup, you shouldn't use water with alphabet soup--and a large plastic paddle. It looked almost like a rice scooper. Ironically enough with the alphabet soup comment it was a word game. There is a catch to it though, before the person or people who are playing dip the plastic paddle into the now boiling water they have to audibly speak to the paddle "Alphanumeric" or "Hexadecimal," they then place the paddle into the boiling water and symbols show up on the paddle, which the team or person then has to form into words, codes, or decipher the symbols intelligently; then the other team gets to go and come up with something better. It keeps going like that until a team can't come up with anything better in the allotted time. The timer is the paddle which will explode if the team doesn't get it in time.

Now the moral of the story...NEVER stop reading the Board. It is not healty. If you are addicted, it is like being addicted to eating healthy, or driving the speed limit; perhaps even an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to do your homework/study (I wish I had that one).

My Little Darling

I've Been A Little Busy

This is Emma. She is my newest little treasure:-) I may not be posting for a while; she sure is precious.

Q Why the Board Booth?

I can imagine it is because they want to be even more rich and famous, by making sure that even more people don't know their names or give them money:-) On a more serious note, they have been known to run a black market in tunnel worm paraphernalia, and since they have moved to being a mostly on-line Board they still need contact with their readers to distribute it. I guess that is until they find a way to fax stuff like that through the computers. After watching the booth for a while I am convinced the Board writers just want an excuse to get together and be the most happening booth in the WILK. They were so social and neato; the D.C. booth was pretty funny, but it was a little weird. You know it is weird because you feel awkward and you are not even involved; you just feel super awkward for werfs because obviously they are not experiencing it for themselves. I decided to ask a few writers why they have a booth to satisfy mine and Lucy the Splendid's curiosity. I would like to thank the two writers who gave me their responses, I am sure I owe you cookies or something...let me know.


A Dear Wally III [5],

The Board has a booth for a couple reasons. We usually sell T-shirts
once a semester (you buy them through a link on the Board), so we'll
have the booth a couple weeks after that, and people can come there to
pick up the shirts that they ordered. We also pass out bizarre flyers
and generally try to make a scene in order to attract new readers.
Really, though, we just like to sit around in the Wilk together and do
random crazy stuff like accost passersby with bags over our heads, mix
up all of our nametags to confuse our fans and amuse ourselves, and
raffle off canned food and boxes of cereal and Subway sandwiches with
a couple bites out of them.

Cheers,

-Tangerine

A Dear Wally III [5],

We have a booth about once a semester. Many people think it's simply a publicity stunt, a ruse to garner up a few more raptly-attentive readers. However, it is in fact an undercover operation designed to draw out our arch-nemesis, the Ride Board, for a final all-out battle.

-Yellow

And there you have it, strait from the Hors--eh...Board's mouth!

Oldies but Goodies

I was talking with Tangerine the other day about the 'new application process' to becoming a writer and I started wondering if my favorite Board question has changed since. So I set out on a quest to find some of my favorites--while sharing some of these I realize that some of them need a little explanation of why I think they are hilarious!

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=30238 [byu operators]
Lets see...I have a question needing information regarding basically anything on BYU...who do I call? Thats right-BYU operators. What if I want a slightly humorous answer, am not in a time crunch, or are just curious about what those amazing Board writers think about it...who do I ask? Thats right the Board! What if I had a question regarding BYU operators, that seems like a serious and legitimate question? I know you can write to the Board to ask them about BYU operators, and then they can call the BYU operators to find out about them then give you that information in approximately 100 Hours! HA! Plus if they call them enough to have their number on speed dial....I laughed for like a full minute. Also the sweet irony of the BYU operators supposedly knowing everything and this boardie praising them so highly, but then asking the board a question like that! HA!

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=2005 [critical Mass]
What a strange question. It would be fascinating to know what inspired the boardie enough to be curious about this question. The really funny part is not so much in the answer given in Grock's post script. I laughed for a really long time about that. I can just imagine the kinds of searches he would be doing along with any blocked sites he came across. Then I started thinking...."what would I think if someone sitting next to me was researching something like that? And to top it all off he is looking suspiciously over his shoulder." Ha! I would be super weirded out. It would get even better for him to try and explain to a security guard who he was and why he was answering a question thus....HA! That would be fantastic. What a great story to tell "I was researching a question for the Board and I was imprisoned for further questioning:-)"

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=1915 [temple in NJ]
I don't know if this one needs a grand explanation! Just super humorous!

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=5386 [Noah]
Wow! That is all I can say...Wow.

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=11137 [high heels]
No explanation needed, and it is worth it to read it in its entirety.

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=17063 [Do do do]
This is one of my first favorites. Seriously...even after I knew what song it was I went back and tried to match it up with the do's and I was still baffled. The Duchess has some mad skills. When I first read it I was thinking to myself..."there is no way the Board can answer such a random question (this is still in my early days of reading before I knew any better)." And the Duchess answered it so precisely and with seemingly little effort it was truly awe inspiring.

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=30165 [space shuttle manual]
HA! This question is so great 1) because the HBLL actually has one, 2) That someone is interested in finding one, and 3) because the Writer thought to even look in the HBLL is absolutely Fantastic.

The Board is truly one of the most amazing things in the world; it offers endless hours of entertainment, knowledge and reading enjoyment. I don't know if the people who began the Board have any idea what it would turn into, but I sure would like to shake their hands! Today had 100 posts YE-HA!

Watching the Board Booth

On the second day of the Board booth I went to drop off my question, and having nowhere better to go, I sat at one of the tables near the booth reading for my Shakespeare. Unfortunately, I didn't get much reading done. Fortunately I did get to watch some people interact with the Board writers, and it was very funny. My favorite part of the experience was a female member of the Board trying to explain to a young man what the Board was. She did an excellent job explaining the intricacies of the Board, but what the young man couldn't grasp was that the writers for the Board did what they did for free. Example:
Female writer: ...So that is what the Board is all about. [smiling feeling proud of explaining it so well]
Young man: So...how much do you get paid?
Female writer: No, no, no...it is a group of volunteers, we do it because we like it.
Young man: So...do you get any other sort of benefits?
Female writer: [obviously clueless to how clueless the young man is] HA! We become rich and famous except you don't get paid and no one knows your name. [Thinking she just made a great joke]
Young man: Wait...I thought you didn't get paid? [now even more confused and suspicious than he was]

This went on for another couple exchanges, and eventually the Young man left feeling that the Board was trying to swindle and sell him something he didn't want, despite the adamant and excellent responses by the Female writer to the contrary.

For all of you people who are wondering the Board is 100% and completely risk free, and if you don't get what you expect from the Board--they guarantee everything they do. If you are not totally and completely satisfied they will give you 100 questions for free:-) Happy Reading and/or writing!!

The Board's little helper

Yellow let me carry the old Board submission box to the Board booth today! I felt almost like Frodo carrying the ring to Mt. Doom...uh only without the danger, death, violence, but with the same importance--Alright the analogy doesn't really work, but carrying it sure was fun--I doubt Frodo can say the same:-)!

A Hit! A Hit!

I look sometimes to see where people are coming from, to get to my blog. Just the other day I noticed a link from Google and it looked exactly like this <www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22the board%22 byu %22100 hour board%22 become writer>. It took me a while to figure out exactly what it meant, but I concluded--In the search to discover how to apply to become a Board writer, A boardie did a search on Google and found my blog! I am like the fifth link down!!! HA! Unfortunately they did not discover any hints or even any mentions of it. I do hope that they enjoyed their stay, perhaps they were able to discover a deeper Board experience.

The Board is so much more than just reading (or for writers, writing) responses and questions; it is the coming together of humanity, the betterment of people everywhere, and sense that good people can make a difference in the world. Not everyone has sold their soul to mammon; good people spend their time and resources to help people they don't know for free. The Board is so inspiring I can't seem to stop reading it...nor do I want to. Through the Board I have developed a little more charity, become a little nicer, a little more thoughtful, received a few million dollars worth of free pharmaceuticals, and become a little more enthused at life. My life is better for having read it. It is perhaps the greatest invention to BYU-kind and people throughout the world everywhere!

The Original Board Box

Who would have ever thought that I, Wally III [5], would get to see such a wonderful piece of history! Yellow brought the Original Board Box to work. It was like I was holding an artifact from some sophisticated civilization, that is a remnant of what we have today. Breathtaking in its beauty, it was like the true horse-sense of the Board. Ahhhhh...I hear it is going to be at the Board booth where you can submit questions like boardies used to, in the good old fashioned pen and ink. So I would encourage all boardies to go and visit the Board booth whether you ordered a shirt or not! Who knows you may meet a writer....ok actually that is guaranteed, but who is never known:-)

The Office

I seriously have the best office in the world! I think any Board writer or reader would love to work in our office. As of right now we only have one Board writer, but he happens to be one of the 'all-powerful editors.' Board conversations flow as normally and naturally over our office staff whether they be about Q&A's posted on the Board (presently or in the past) or about writers identities and personalities. You could say that the Board has been integrated into our office culture for which I am eternally thankful. Because of our connection through the Board to the other employees and through the greater BYU culture in general, we become better employees, filled with the desire to help our fellow man. Plus our office never knows the visitors that may come, such as Tangerine, Krebscout, Uffish Thought, and others!

The white board (not to be confused with 'the Board') receives visits randomly from Board writers who come to the office, where we then, as Board readers, get to enjoy the fantastic Board for that day as well as a personal message just for us. For those of you who frequent our office...you know who you are...our office sends you thanks for making our days at the office a little brighter! Hazzah for the Board!!!

Cookie Dough

Q Dear Wally III [5],

• Is it possible to collect all the cookie dough in Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream and actually bake cookies from it?

-Thinks they would be fabulous

A Dear how many cookies do you think you could get out of a half gallon?,

Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it. It is much better in its raw form, just enjoy it. That is cookie dough in general...who wants cookies when they can have the glorious raw egg, trans-fatty, and wonderfully soft tasting dough? Plus think of all the electricity you would be saving? With that you could go buy a half gallon of premium Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

-Wally III [5]

A Dear Thinks they would be fabulous,

See Board Question #31335.

-The [real] Board

First Club Meeting

The first Go Club meeting was a success! Bismark and Tangerine were there and fought an excellent first game. I was playing my good friend James. I can't believe I didn't take any pictures; I had my camera in my pocket, and even had an extra set of batteries...but I had "to go and ruin the ride" and completely forget to take them. Dr. Forcade in the Math Department has some really nice stones and a really nice board, they were really fun to play on. I did get the idea to make some smaller boards that are just 10x10 grids, so that we can use those to get some practice on before moving to the larger board. That would be easier than using one quarter of a larger board. Plus if I am already making some boards in the Woodshop it wouldn't be too much to make a few little ones. I am amazed at how closely the Go club is related to the Board [please note no official connection is/was intended nor actual]. I guess it is because most of the people I now associate with, are also associated with the Board. And you thought the world was small in the Church....HA! let me tell you... Unfortunately the fellow reader who helped inspire me to create the Go club is unable to attend because of her class schedule, but hopefully in the future.

P.S. I am still geeking out that I had a famous Board writer [they are all famous] and a famous boardie at the club. Yippie!

The Making of the Go Board

This has been a long time in coming (see Board Question 30286, Board Question 30753, and Board Question 31038).

Yes there is a Go club on campus! It meets Tuesday nights In the Math Department Commons Room (294 Talmage Building) 6:00-8:00pm. It starts 16 Jan 2007 A.D.

All this Go stuff Made me want to make my own board, so over Christmas Break I got together with a good friend of mine who does a lot of wood work. I wanted to make something basic, as well as something really fancy. So I made two boards. One of the hardest parts was making the legs for the traditional board. I felt a little like 'Wilson from home improvement taking these picture.

My Boards are not finished yet so more Pictures will be coming, also perhaps some pictures from the Go Club itself.

This is us turning the legs on the lathe, and what we made the legs from. They ended up looking really Neato!

1) Me holding what we started with compared with what we made.
2) Sanding the leg on the lathe. (much easier than regular sanding, thus the masks)
3) The beginning of the shaping of the leg!




Pictures courtesy of Splendid.

Mournful Question

Q Dear Lover of the Board [AKA. Wally III],

Why do train whistles at night always sound lonely and mournful? Not so in the daytime.

-Thomas the Train is Never Mournful

A Dear Thomas the Train is Never Mournful,

(I have heard this story second-hand, but have also personally experienced it) It all begins with Women's Conference, I think the real title is General Relief Society Meeting. I know kindof a funny place to start seeing I can only call you werf. Well if you read in the Ensign or watch the broadcast (My only options seeing that I am a male) you will find that all they talk about are positive uplifting things. They tell the sisters how wonderful they are and that they are doing performing their callings to the utmost. Picture now, a husband who wonders what his wife hears about at womens conference. While she is at the meetinghouse listening to the broadcast, he listens in. Speaker after speaker praises the women in general, attempts to lift their spirits, and basically tells them they are going to the Celestial kingdom (perhaps a little exaggeration, but not much). The husband is excited because he knows that his wife is the best wife in the world; he tries to praise her as often as he can, but he knows that this will be great for her to hear the church leaders telling her how good of a job she is doing. He wants to celebrate when she gets home, they can all celebrate what a wonderful wife and mother she is. The husband hears the car in the drive and goes to watch her walk in--oh no! She must have been in an accident, or something equally terrible because it looks like she is crying--it is a good thing the meeting was so wonderful he thinks, she will be able to handle a little stress after having such an uplifting meeting. Imagine his confusion as she comes in the doors wiping tears from her eyes, asking questions like "do you still love me?", and "am I a good mother?" and remarking "I need to be such a better person." Just the opposite is true for Priesthood meeting. We go to the meeting, get a flogging from every general authority, and we come away thinking "I could probably do something better in my life."
Now I bet you wonder what all this has to do with a mournful train whistle...here it is. Is the whistle physically different from Night to day? NO. Does the lack of sunlight cause the sound of the whistle to change at all? NO. So what is different? The idea is different. When it is dark we can no longer see all the landscape, trees, other people (unless they are independently lit), giving the feeling of being alone. Human beings are social creatures; we need our herd. Without such we become mournful, so naturally the train whistle sounding in the dark would sound mournful at night and not in the daytime.

Mournful

1.	feeling or expressing sorrow or grief; sorrowful; sad.

2.	of or pertaining to mourning for the dead.

3.	causing grief or lament: a mournful occasion.

4.	gloomy, somber, or dreary, as in appearance or character: mournful shadows.

Just like the differences in the people going to different meetings for the Church, if you go in already feeling that you are not doing enough, when they talk about how wonderful you are doing all you can think of is that "I am not there yet." While the men think "I'm all I could ever be and more" going in, when they are sternly rebuked it is tempered into their previous thinking, so they end up coming out thinking "I am doing really good right now, I wonder if I can help someone else who has those problems."
So you see that how we think about it, determines in large measure, what you are going to think about it.

The Mind is Amazing!

-Wally III [5]

Board Questions

Awhile back I stumbled upon a website. It was similar in idea to the Board, but obviously lacking in panache. They didn't even answer every question. They posted all the questions that went unanswered, so I thought I would have a go at some of them. Some of the questions were really funny, and I couldn't help imagining what it would be like if these questions were asked to the Board. [I will be taking a few liberties with the format of the questions. Any resemblance to the 100 Hour Board is not only intentional, but crucial to my experiment.]

Q Dear Ridiculously Addicted Boardie [AKA Wally III] ,

What comes after 999 trillion?

-One who wants to keep counting

A Dear are you joking me?!,

I tried counting to 1,000 once and I got bored at like...actually I am too embarrassed to say. Now to your question...I guess nine-hundred and ninty-nine trillion and one [999,000,000,000,001]--but I am guessing you were really asking "What comes after nine-hundred and ninty-nine trillion nine-hundred and ninty-nine billion nine-hundred and ninty-nine million nine-hundred and ninty-nine thousand nine-hundred and ninty-nine [999,999,999,999,999]?"

In that case it is one quadrillion, which is followed by quintillion, which is followed by sextillion, which is followed by septillion, which is followed by octillion, which is followed by nonillion, which is followed by decillion, which is followed by undecillion, which is followed by duodecillion, which is followed by tredecillion, which is followed by quattuordecillion, which is followed by quindecillion, which is followed by sexdecillion, which is followed by septendecillion, which is followed by octodecillion, which is followed by novemdecillion, which is followed by vigintillion. This is about where it ends for no particular reason, but I am sure the pattern would continue with unvigintillion, duovigintillion, trevigintillion, quattuorvigintillion, quinvingintillion...etc. Larger than that there is a googol 10^100, centillion 10^303, and googolplex 10^(10^100). All of which are extremely large.

I am sure that will keep you busy counting for another 10^361! years. All of this information is readily available on Wikipedia for fast easy access. Happy Counting.

All these numbers remind me of the Count on Sesame Street. he was the coolest. I remember the episode where he was asking a little girl how much money she needed to ride the bus. It went something like this.

Count: [Dracula accent] How much will you need.
Girl: [Very High Pitched Girl Voice] ohhh... Twenty something.
[Dramatic Cord]
Count: Twenty something?! You can't have 'twenty something' it can be [he counts in the dramatic way that only the Count can, as the numbers appear on the screen] 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, or 29.

Yeah Sesame Street was amazing.

-Wally III [5]

The Board?...or the board?

While on holiday I had a chance to hob knob with the Fam. One of my big projects was to make a few Go boards. Every time I would talk about the board I was working on, I would automatically think of the Board, as in the 100 Hour Board. Immediately after saying something like "We just need to finish sanding the board" or "should we use a laser or a woodburner to do the grid on the board", "which board do we want to work on today?", or "should we put miter, or butt joints on the board?"; I would always want to clarify by saying "not the 100 Hour Board, but the Go board".